Print officially gave up trying, as evidenced by the current issue of Comso magazine. They couldn’t even be bothered to photoshop those roots, much less shape down her top to keep it from looking like a chub spare tire. Not to mention the forehead grease sheen or raty hair. Honestly. This image could be re-purposed for their “Skanks of Coyote Ugly” issue. Oh wait… that was out last month.

So bleach blondes with no star-power are apparently being put on the cover of Cosmo. Either by some conservationist that’s concerned with saving trees, or an accounting department that could use another tax write-off. Either which way, it seems a deliberate reminder to divert ad money online.

Now, Anna Farris is a name we’ve actually heard before. She was in… (think about it)…. Lost In Translation. For a second. And let’s not forget those trailers for Scary Movie 1 through 4. Either which way, she’s miles ahead of the current cover. “Is that the nameless girl from those terrible When In Rome commercials?,” you ask. Maybe. We don’t know either.

Glancing over the cover, we discovered that Cosmo landed “Amanda Bynes.” (Insert awkward silence here). You know, from that movie with Colin Firth… From years ago. Something about Buckingham Palace on the poster… Which apparently didn’t launch anyone’s career.

Now women’s mags used to get a lot of flack for bulimia, cutters and putting images of unrealistic beauty in the minds of young girls. But today they seem tailored to make everyone feel better about themselves. Plus, the raunchy copy printed on covers looks like your inbox after a night spent porn surfing. And the photos? Rough stuff. Take camera raw files and just dump them onto a page.

Aren’t blogs are pulling in bigger name talent than Hearst publications?

Print has officially given-up. They’re not even trying to contact this girl’s publicist… Whoever the fuck she is. And she actually has a movie out. And she gets her roots done before a shoot.

Now the real question is – with Yelp!, Amazon Reviews, Facebook and all the other ways people find out about new things and get peer reviews to inform them… How much longer do advertising agencies have?

I mean, the whole idea of having Grey, W+K or Ogilvy on the payroll to “influence influencers,” “create social media chatter” and draw you flowcharts seems as archaic an idea as buying a magazine for $4 dollars to get sex tips. I mean, we’re up for SS Bullshit circling the drain and sinking, as we can think of nothing better than these middle-aged ad fucks drowning is a sea of unemployment.

Tags: Print
Posted in: General