Todd Barry is a cool guy, but his Twitter account looks like an HTML abortion.

Twitter is essentially a public pool, with a mix of self-promoters splashing around next to people too friendless to have access to post comments on Facebook. So you get a mix of “Jason Segel is funny. HaHaHa” and “@MaKeMon-E#MONEYhttp://moneyistgut.be!!!TOM CRUISE.” To further the pool analogy, it’s our experience that it’s better to go swim where the entire public isn’t pissing collectively.

Todd Barry was apparently voted one the “Top 10 Hottest Men” to follow on Twitter (link), by some unknown with an arbitrary site that no one’s heard of. Confused? Then see our piece on how “Everyone’s the Media” now (LonerBoner). Inexplicably, he ranked higher than John Mayer (who loves to mention he’s on Twitter – when plugging himself on TV), yet fell short of Jamie Oliver.

Todd I’m guessing has quite a few friends, so we surmise he must be using Twitter for the purpose of shameless self-promotion. Which coincidentally, is the only reason we’ve heard of, for why anyone would want to use Twitter. We used to say “What’s all this bullshit about Twitter? It’s like a Bulletin Board System message from 1989! That’s 20 years ago…”

It’s essentially a text-messaging, parallel search engine universe – comprised entirely of hucksters. And the end-user of Twitter is always going to be someone looking for other self-promoters to come check out their site, furthering meaningless traffic.

To further emphasize the wonderfully rich world that is Twitter, we need to focus on a new upstart that combines two of our favorite interests – stand-up comedy and laughing at people who are clueless. Because Twitter is so basic, someone decided to play a joke on it by coming up with a site that is the embodiment of late-night commercials that ask you to “Text 555-JOKE,” to get daily one-liners. Except this one doesn’t charge (http://witstream.com/) and instead of laughs, exposes comedy for what it really is – a world of desperate attention seekers, looking for any publicity to further their chances of getting on SNL.

Wow, let’s get back to keeping with the 1989, 300-baud dial-up fun vibe from earlier in this post. We want to commended Adam Green (LonerBoner) for having a Web 1.0 phreaknik (wiki, tube) over on Twitter for awhile, using computer lingo from a decade ago. Which seems an interesting layer added to the archaic format of plain text messaging on Twitter. So we’ll leave you on that positive note… Also the above YouTube link is a pretty disturbing vision of apocalyptic banditry, which should be considered an essential primer for anyone watching The Road.

Tags: Comedy, HateBomb, Twitter
Posted in: HateBomb